heapBURN

oh, well... so you're still with me

although i really don't wanna live with you.
yet apparently my guardians haven't been
able to knock you out.

this. is. bad.

the question of "how" pops like
a gazzillion times in my head.
of course it remains unanswered,
for it's impossible to track you down.
i'm very sure that i've never been
a good host, but why did you choose me?
i should've been the least possible candidate
to be invaded by you!

this. is. bad.

but now that we're together, there seems
to be no way out—no matter how much
i hate you or how often i curse you.
nothing can be significantly done to stop
your fuckin' invasion, unless my guardians
miraculously gain unexplainable strength
to fight you back.

this. is. bad.

all those "how" and "why" would neither end
nor solve anything. the fact that we've been
together for quite a while is something i have
to deal with. oh yes, that also means to accept
that there are plenty of lines blocked, even before
i try to pass through. pfff! you're a real bastard.
i never like it but you give me no choices, making
my life even harder!

this. is. bad.

after all, it's the death that we all have to prepare.
no matter how hard we struggle to live,
it will eventually end.

just don't get me there too fast,
would you? please.

5w1h

errr...
knock, knock! :D

yesss, it's been a whole damn year of a hiatus for this blog since my previous post!
but nooo, the hiatus is not because of what I wrote in there—although the connection might really make sense. well, let's start with the most basic type of questions to go through the "lost year" and making this blog alive again! ;)

what
bla-bla-bla

where
bla-bla-bla

who
bla-bla-bla

how
bla-bla-bla

why
bla-bla-bla

when
bla-bla-bla

Gegap Senyap

Belajar, belajar, belajar, belajaaaar terus!
Minat gue yang variatif pada berbagai bidang [yang berbeda dari bidang
akademis], bikin gue harus banyak belajar. Mulai dari hal-hal teknis
yang bersifat praktis, sampe hal-hal yang lebih prinsipil dan idealis.

Nah, diam itu adalah bagian dari proses belajar. Dalam diam, gue harus
banyak membaca; bukan cuma baca buku, tapi juga baca orang, baca
situasi, baca kemungkinan, dlsb. Dalam diam, gue belajar mendengar;
mendengar pendapat, keluhan, kritik, saran, kicauan, rerasan, dan
bahkan omelan orang lain. Dalam diam, gue belajar melonggarkan bahkan
menguapkan; kemarahan, eksitasi yang berlebihan, ambisi, keinginan
untuk memiliki, rasa benci, argumentasi, dlsb. Dalam diam, gue belajar
merasakan; kebutuhan orang lain, maunya mereka, antipati, simpati, dlsb.

Lantas bukan berarti diam itu emas.
Gue nggak setuju dengan anggapan tersebut.
Buat gue, tau kapan saatnya harus mengutarakan hal yang tepat, itu
jauh lebih brilian. Dan kalo ternyata dalam prosesnya harus melalui
fase diam, ya nggak masalah. Pengutaraan hal yang tepat juga bukan
melulu soal kalimat, tapi termasuk manifestasi dalam tindakan dan
wujud nyata.

Yeah, jadi begitulah.
Untuk sementara ini, gue masih harus belajar diam dan memilih untuk
banyak belajar dalam diam. Entah kapan gue akan siap bermanuver.
Yang jelas, setelah cukup ilmu lah, ya! Haha...

Belajar terus tanpa tau kapan akan lulus!
:p

Solo-agogo

Pengen sendirian itu [buat gue] adalah kebutuhan.
Walopun kayaknya gue banyak temen dan banyak acara,
sebenernya justru gue lebih sering sendirian ke mana-mana.
Mungkin itu sebabnya gue cukup menikmati kejombloan;
yaitu karena malas berkompromi ato berargumen sama orang lain.
Hehe... Asik memang menjadi diktator atas diri sendiri.
Bebas memutuskan dan menikmati segala hal sendiri tanpa intervensi
ato rasa nggak enak hati.

Intinya, sendirian itu menyenangkan!
Lebih nyaman! :D

_____
The illustration above is "Walking Alone",
a poster on canvas by Ted Harrison.

D 73 EP

_____
Hahahaa, edan! Baik yak, Pak Bagus!
Yah, semoga impian gue untuk punya sebiji Cherokee warna hitam bisa segera terwujud,
dan semoga dosen pembimbing gue ini beneran mau bantuin biar gue dapet plat D 73 EP!
Amiiiiiin...